A Process Evolves...

Photo: Crop of my ruined touch drawing...

Saturday...

It's been an interesting day - well, weekend as well. I spent Thanksgiving alone this year, by choice. I had 4 offers to enjoy the day with family or friends, but I really wanted, selfishly, to be alone. I needed the solitude and had been looking forward to being alone the entire weekend, no schedule, no place to be, no must-dos.

So figure drawing this morning was the only thing I had planned ahead of time. The model called and was going to be a little late, so the other artists suggested we each take turns modeling. One person went up for 3 poses, then another, then they suggested I go next. eeks... me? next? um... I have no experience... So the time came. I stepped up on to the model stand, feeling very present and aware of all the eyes in the room were on me. On my body. Scribbling, spashing, dribbling, etching, brushing, caressing. I actually kind of liked it, it was, after all, slightly erotic, but to contribute to the artistic world giving my physical body to the artistic process. The bare naivite of the moment... oh, now, keep your undies from getting into a bundle, I was fully clothed... gasp, I couldn't imagine being naked. I thought about taking my shirt off, but then the REAL model showed up... whew...

(Those of you seeking a more male side of the perspective, you're outta luck, I was the only male model today...)

So my process still has me hung up on proportion, but it's coming along. I spent the day in the creative zone. I went shopping for art supplies after class, then went to the beach and drew people playing in the sand, some volleyball players and a couple of kids who JUST HAD to have me draw them. Tonight I'm experimenting with a process called batik. I'm having fun playing, distraction-free!



Sunday

I think about the time Tia and I have spent apart and reflecting back, I wish I had weathered the storm a little better. I know I did what I felt what I needed to do at each and every moment, but I don't feel like I was very brave, or took the experience with any kind of "warriorship." My training in the Sacred Martial Arts in the past 7 years seemingly fell apart on me. All that hard work and discipline and I couldn't handle this separation, I couldn't imagine if something tragic actually happened. Maybe that is the lesson here? I'm sorry if you've had to endure my whining and moaning about our situation. I know next time it will be different - let's hope there is no next time. This whole experience has left me feeling weak. I still have my weak moments, but I'm moving through them now, easier in that I think I'll be seeing Tia here sooner than she would see me there. That is some relief, but I have to question, who am I? What was all that about? What did I learn about myself? What do I need to change about myself? In some ways I feel I have learned some things about myself but not like I'm a better person for the experience, but a better person for knowing how all of that affected me.

So today I'm teaching myself batik, a wax-resist technique traditionally known for creating patterns on fabric. I'm using it on watercolor paper with colored india inks. I saw the technique in a book and I'm finding I am learning more by doing than what the two pages of brief descriptions in the book are telling me. I bought beeswax, a tjangting, the inks and paper yesterday. I started to experiment last night. Of course, just as I am melting wax in a ladel to transfer to the tjanting the phone rings. I jump, wax goes EVERYWHERE and all down my hands (ouch). To add insult to injury, no one was on the line when I got there and I was left with more of a mess than I bargained for. I didn't know how difficult it is to get beeswax off of surfaces until this morning. I spent two hours cleaning it up. But now I know better, it is a much easier process simply melting the wax right in the tool, and quite handy, they might have mentioned that in the book! (and I think I've completely ruined one of my touch drawings "experimenting"... oh well, I knew this would happen, calculated losses I guess.)

I'm also finding today, as I go through my drawings, I have more work that I can keep up with. I want to document the good pieces and set aside the not-so-good. I also want to work up some of the good ones into paintings and further studies, but there are so many. I can't keep track of all of them much less find the time to work them up... the body of work is overwhelming... Then there are the ideas yet to be brought to life... Photos, professional web and print design work, illustrations and touch drawings. So much work, how does one keep track of all of it? Any suggestions? It's enough work to fill several hundred pages of a website...

Anyway, hope you enjoy the rest of the week!
b

Figuring along my process...

Photo: Nude Number 1 - 11/15/06. Canvas mounted touch drawing. (First mounted touch drawing)

The process of being in my art has been rewarding, and at times, a bit addicting. I get so high from being in the flow with my work, I loose track of time and my essential needs of food and rest! These are a collection of my latest favorites. I can't stop working these up. I'm just not sure what to do with all of this. It's so exciting. I am a minimalist at heart and I don't know if that's really me or if I'm just fearing working them further. Fearig that I'll lose the energy contained in the gesture drawing. At any rate. It isn't for me to figure out for now.

Tia has now resolved her conflict with Telecom, but has also decided to turn in her data card for the time being. We're deciding what needs to happen next. Way too much for me to get into at 11:53 PM. Also way too much for me to handle as well. Sorry this is "surface talk" but I'm worn out with people asking me about it and having to sort through useless (but caring) empathetic suggestions of what we should do, so please don't offer any.

Been a bit of a recluse lately, by choice. I've seen a few very caring friends (the ones who don't ask questions). Have had some fun times with friends. Been running my fool head off these days. I ran 5 times this week, hoping to be in shape to race in some events soon. Been doing 8 minute 20 second miles in three miles stints. Fastest in 18 years. Feels good to be burning off my frustrations on pavement. Something good anyway.

Enjoy my exctasy here. These have been saving me from anger, frustration and desperation. I always have my art and can always find ways to improve. Something I'm also working on personally.

I have to say that I think this has been my favorite series to date. This model was perfect and had some wonderful poses. I think I say that about every model, and I'm not sure if each model is getting better or if I'm feeling more confident in my abilities. My process has been enriching to me if everything I do I like better than the last set.

I'm finding beauty in all nudes. It ranges from men in their 80's to women in their 20's. We've had quite a variety of personalities as well. Dancers, actors and just those who want to sit nude in front of people. I like them all, I think the human form is so beautiful. Nothing to hide when we're nude. Just when I think I can't draw a certain body type, I prove myself wrong. Just when I didn't think I could find beauty in an 80 year old man, I find beauty and inspiration. If we could all see each other as naked in our lives we might not have so many prejudices or cast so many judgments on others. Dunno. Please enjoy my process...


Photo: Nude Number 2 - 11/15/06. Unmounted touch drawing.



Photo: Nude Number 3 - 11/15/06. Unmounted touch drawing.



Photo: Nude Number 4 - 11/15/06. India ink on paper.
Perhaps my favorite ink illustration to date. She's slightly out of proportion, but it's a comfortable adjustment. I like the two-tone grey and the redudancy of line from grey to black.


Photo: Nude Number 5 - 11/15/06. Charcoal on paper.


Photo: Nudes - 11/15/06. Charcoal on paper.

It Just Figures...

Photo: “Reclining Nude.” October, 2006. Touch drawing, unmounted.

Hey there. I suppose I can’t start yet another blog with, “Sorry I haven’t been around much.” Because I’d be repeating myself again.

The top questions:
1. How’s Tanjariitta?
2. Any bites on the house?
3. Why don’t you just move there and don’t worry about the house selling?

Not many people here actually seem all that concerned with how I’m doing which is interesting. I know Tia gets the same questions asked of her with the emphasis on me instead! Well, not everyone, but a good share!

I’m holding up. I’m through the “drinking to ease the pain” mode. Now passing into something else. It’s damage control whenever I turn around. Like patching a dam with a band-aide, I go from one area of my life falling apart to another. Just when I think I have the spring fixed, it bursts out again. Right now the emergency is our families coming back for the season. Holidays are coming and I was a bit unprepared for that. Pictures of Thanksgivings and Christmases past flooding my memory. I don’t want to celebrate the holidays. I don’t want people in my house, warm foods and gifts. I think I’m going to hide under the sofa until the new year. Really, I hope it isn’t going to piss off too many people, but I think I am going to go away for Christmas, take a solo trip somewhere, get lost, hop on my bike and not come back for the week. I’m moving into the “perhaps I should seek professional help” phase. I joke. Sorry. I am considering reaching out for the group that Steve started, Touchstone. Might be a good time to check in.

I’m a little tired of having to have to leave the house spotless before I go everyday, hoping for the off chance that someone will actually go THROUGH the house before I have a chance to get home and clean it up. Stupid house.

GAWD I can’t wait until the elections here are over. Nothing more displeasing than listening to politicians bashing each other. Distasteful. I don’t care WHO is doing what anymore. The TVs are flooded with horrible ads. No integrity left in any of the parties involved. I can’t stand the Democrats in the race and I’m certainly not electing the criminal Republicans here. This country is SOOOO going to hell. Where is Clinton when you need him? How horribly wrong this country has gone in the past 6 years. Why did it need to get so bad so quick? Where is it all going? I’m reminded of that pin from the “Truman Show,” “How’s it going to end?” Feels like the end is nearing doesn’t it? You’ve got Bush in the White House spending our money on this war, borrowing to our eyeballs so our children’s children’s children have debts to pay off. Then you have Gore on the other hand beating the environmental drum as loud as he can but there are still not enough people concerned that in our lifetime we will see major shifts in the physical world we live in. It’s never too late, but the damage is done.

So why is it that if you protest this war in Iraq, you’re anti-American and you don’t support our military? I don’t get that… Certainly I support our military and it pains me to see American blood spilled in the dirt, but I don’t support this war in Iraq, all the brainwashing the government gave us to lead us to believe Sadam had WMD. Bullshit as we all know now. I honor my countrymen and the flag I live under, the past warriors lost preserving the freedoms of this country, but this war stinks of little boy Georgie going after the bully his father didn’t take out. Why dos it seem no one is doing something about this? How can this still be allowed? It all started with the elections 6 years ago. Are we so stupid and blind to have allowed this moron to walk through the world unscathed while Americans are now being victimized in foreign countries because we’re despised by the rest of the world? We’re fat, obnoxious, spoiled bullies of the world. We want it all and we want it now, we deserve it, we can do it, not because we’ve earned it, but because we can, not because we should, just because we can. Crap. It’s all a bunch of crap. It scares me and makes me wonder what is it going to take to wake up and change the mentality of this country? I know there is a not-so-subtle voice out there that is shouting time for a change in direction, but sometimes it takes a slap in the face before change can happen. I just don’t want to be around when that happens. Maybe we’ll be safer in New Zealand, maybe not.

This has been an interesting period in my artistic life. I have found that practicing my craft is giving me wonderful focus and a positive escape. I’m going to figure drawing class Wednesday evenings and I’ve added a Saturday morning session at the local art center and looking to add another evening or two if I can find the right venues for it. Figure drawing has been so much fun. I am still wrestling with the whole “WHY?” theme, Oscar Wilde’s quote still echoing in my head, but the voice of that isn’t as strong. (Jan 13, 2006) The people I meet don’t seem to question why, they just do it. For now, I can be content with just practicing, but I think the question will return again eventually. It’s not a bad question, and I think it will give me balance and purpose in my art. Going to these figure drawing sessions has given me focus, but I am also starting to see a community here I hadn’t noticed before. Granted right now they’re mostly snowbirds, but it’s nice to talk to people about their craft and get some exposure to other mediums and techniques. I’d like to join some of the local art clubs as well, but don’t know how long I’ll be here. Actually I’d also like to start a professional designers club here in Sarasota. (I know, NOW I get ambitious!)

Anyway, thanks for sticking it out with me.