this is bruce's blog

Picking Up Where The World Left Off...

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 02:23:00 +0000

©2009 Bruce Anttila van Hoover ~ thisisbruce.com

Completed my first digital illustration since 2005. The second in a series of three airplanes called "Blue Yonder." I plan to print these 5 feet wide and put on a show this summer with a few photography pieces - see my photography blog for those details (coming soon)

Seems spring is a very productive time of the year. I've had my 7th week in a row of 50+ hours. With so many people suffering out there and with so many unemployed, I cherish every moment I am working. I am thankful for each and every client, each project, each mundane detail, I cherish all of you, clients who have faith in me and in my work. I am honored by each request no matter how big or small.

So much has happened, it's obvious I can't bring you up to date in one blog, nor will I try.

(Pandora is the new sliced bread.)

I've lost 1 client, gained 5 more, bought a house, remodeled (and still remodeling) it, I have a new 400sf office, wood-burning stove to keep me warm in the winter, and a new MacBook Pro laptop computer, which is nothing short of amazing. I am working now across all time zones, from DC to Hawaii!

I've joined a rock band, picked up my illustrations, and feel I am on an upswing of creativity. I feel like I am doing what I need to do, in every keystorke, every mouse click, every creative glance at my monitor, every run up my piano, every dreary morning chopping wood to get a fire lit for the day's warmth. I am blessed. I have found flow in Montana.

Did I mention the rock band?

Missoula Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 01:57:00 +0000

Complete story on this can be found at Newly Nomads.

Changable Seasons...

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 01:05:00 +0000

Image: Sunflowers. ©2008 Bruce Anttila van Hoover ~ THISISBRUCE.COM, LLC

You may or may not have noticed, I self-edited. Right here, there was a post, now it is replaced with this one. Yup. Gone. Two clicks and done. Sorry, this blog isn't about student loans and frankly the solicits were getting annoying. Damn phishers.

It's another night home alone without Tia. I'm struggling to find things to do with myself when she is working late. I exercise at lunchtime, best weather of the day in the peripheral season in a northern climate. I think I may start composing music again. I miss my keyboard.

I'm working in the art room on some evenings when inspiration strikes. The artisan gods have blessed me recently with another project. You remember the last one, "Nude with Wine" yeah, that was months ago, like four months, to the day. I've worked on projects since then, you won't see them here, they had a purpose... to help start our nightly fires. The oil colors lit up in an insignificant momentary blaze. They weren't worth the paper I spent to produce it, not to mention the time and the materials.

So I'm on another project. Or done actually. The energy flow working in my favor for a change. Beautiful time spent. Just wish this kind of inspiration would strike more often...

The days are getting longer. I'm seeing the full-swing of the season change! Just need warmer weather!

Hope you enjoy it.

THISISBRUCE.COM, LLC is launched!

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:45:00 +0000

Well, quite a bit has happened since I blogged last. I registered my business name with the State of Montana, established a business bank account, found a CPA to help me set up my business, AND I am now a member of the Kalispell Chamber of Commerce. I am now officially THISISBRUCE.COM, LLC. Feels strange and powerful to say I am now a DOT COM business! I've gotten used to being BRUCE, the guy people send work to, the freelancer. I feel so "ADULT" now!

I solicited people I work with and work for in order to get some advice on how I should attract new business for myself. I got some great responses and I thank everyone for helping me with that undertaking. As a result, I've written my "30-second" spot, the way I tell others about who I am and what I'm doing:

"Thisisbruce.com is an advertising and marketing company offering high-end creative services at competitive prices. Work produced at Thisisbruce.com is always fresh and always created from scratch, ensuring you get customized, original artwork, never a template or clip art. Specializing in corporate and brand identity (logo design), web design, integrated advertising campaigns, marketing and print collateral, outdoor signage and environmental design, fleet and vehicle graphics, animation, and professional photography. Thisisbruce.com is optimized for working with small to medium-sized businesses, entrepreneurs, celebrities, government offices, and not-for-profit organizations. While Thisisbruce.com is a web-based company, in-person meetings are considered the standard. Samples of work can be found at Thisisbruce.com. Please call for a complimentary analysis of your current advertising needs, 941/224.0415 or email me at bruce@thisisbruce.com."

I've also begun learning Microsoft Excel and have created myriads of spreadsheets to track the workflow and cashflow. I've learned how to better manage my expenses and how to document EVERYTHING that happens. I've even been able to pay my overhead this month and come very close to hitting my target financial goal, the first time since moving here in September. Yes, business is picking up. Maybe soon I'll actually draw a salary! We'll see. Lots of hurdles to cross in the coming months.

Let's see, I've also modified my website to be more attractive to searches and more content friendly, so new potential customers will be able to see who I am and what I do. It's still a work in progress and I anticipate more changes to come, but at least there's something there to work with. I am now also learning more about the mysteries of Search Engine Optimization as well as CSS. I'm excited to be picking up these things, more and more these days, potential employers want everything from their Art Directors. they want the killer creative mind, the awesome design abilities AND the avid programmer. That is a rare find indeed, but if they're looking for it, chances are there's a population out there that can fill the gap and I need to be on top of it. Not that I'm looking for employment, but I need to keep fresh in the industry, plus I get bored if I'm not stimulated enough, so I'm self-stimulating, er um... learning more every day!

I've been unsuccessful now at becoming an iStock contributing photographer. Seems my images aren't crisp enough and I'm beginning to doubt my photography capabilities. Not sure if it's me or my camera. I have a stigmatism which hinders my ability to sharply focus, but when I look at past pictures, up close in Photoshop, I can't seem to find a definitive focal point and the image seems completely out of focus. Not good. ALL 50 of the images I set aside as my best from this summer are rubbish. It's really quite a blow to the ego. I'm going to keep on shooting, I want to prove a point after all, but not as hopeful as I was about selling my work as stock.

Happy New Year

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 17:58:00 +0000

Image: "Nude Reclining on Sofa with Wine" ©Bruce Anttila van Hoover ~ thisisbruce.com

Happy New Year!

I rang in the new year this year in a new way, I was painting. Tia and I discovered a new technique, unique to Montana. Painting with cattle markers. Cattle markers are oil-based sticks, resistant to fading and weather and are applied directly to livestock for the purpose of displaying ownership. Some local artists have been using them to create artwork. We picked up a set of markers, they come in 9 different colors, and have been experimenting with them.

I want to thank Bo for sending a great little art book on living messy, and Tia for encouraging me to get off the sofa!

Enjoy!
Image: "Valentine's Day Pattern" ©Bruce Anttila van Hoover ~ thisisbruce.com

Image: "Bird in Flight" ©Bruce Anttila van Hoover ~ thisisbruce.com

Behind Again...

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 17:06:00 +0000

WOW! I have been really away haven't I?

Well, I have been busy... Lots of work in December should make for good paychecks in January. I've also been pounding the proverbial (virtual) pavement recently. I applied for about 15 jobs both permanent and freelance across the country. I have an interview with a company that hires freelance photographers to photograph hotels, which is nicely up my alley, AND it involves some travel! I hope it works out. I'm also trying to get my work accepted to stock photography sites to make a little more income when I can. I submitted my work a month ago, but I guess there's a backlog of people trying to get in. Wish me luck there.

I'm with Bo and that I really haven't had much to say here. Just trying to keep focused on staying busy, updating my website, working, keeping on the path, but it isn't easy. We're trying to remain a one car family, but then that leaves me with either taking Tia to work some days during the week, leaving me with a one-hour commute to and from my work (when I work 10' from our bedroom), or I'm stranded at home. Cheaper yes, less gas, yes, smaller eco footprint, yes, lonely and isolating, OH YEAH.

I miss my blog friends, I miss our connections but frankly haven't felt motivated to reach out, either I don't have enough to say because nothing really ever changes for me here or I don't want to hear myself whine. But I will try to be more positive and more bloggerly in the coming months. It's the silly season so life tends to get a little unbalanced.

Anyway...

Hope you have a safe and prosperous new year!

Mindnumbing and Mindboggling!

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 00:09:00 +0000

It's been a slow couple of weeks for me here, I've only had a few small projects to wrap up, Thanksgiving has disrupted any flow I had for work. Holidays seem to do that for freelance workers, it a work hazard.

So I've had some time to tidy up my photography. I took an estimated 1,500 shots this summer so now I'm processing them all. It's tedious and mind-numbing to say the least, but I hope to make it worth my while. I found an awesome resource in Photo.net. Thousands of amateur and professional photographers posting their work and all kinds of information about the industry. I've never seen so much cooperation among people in a profession and I think the design community could learn a few things from it. I won't go into great detail about the site, you can search it out for yourself, but needless to say I have spent HOURS and DAYS learning. I feel like I've had an infusion of knowledge. I only have a couple of images posted right now, but here's my link: http://photo.net/photos/brucimus

So I've taken all my new knowledge and am now applying it to my own photographs. I'm processing 65 out of the 1,500 images for future stock photography websites. It seems like such a small number, but really, I've selected only the best work, and it's taken me more than 40 hours of processing. I'm embracing the idea of someone buying my photography - this is a big step! For too long I've had the desire to know, but never found the right resource, now I'm glad for this time to work on this. Databases, tweaking, embedding copyright and info into the photo files. The work has really been horribly boring, but I think this will produce some nice fruits in the end.

So I came across a roll of film that I've had around for a little while. It was in my refrigerator, in the butter drawer, rolling about whenever the door was opened. I kept forgetting to take it in to be processed. It eventually made the move with us out to Montana. I forgot what was on the half exposed roll. One day about a week or so ago, I remembered to stick the roll in my pocket and take it in for processing. I almost fell over when I saw the images. It was a roll of film from eight-and-a-half years ago of my second tandem skydive from a hot air balloon. Tia took the photos of my jump, I shot the ground images. I got goosebumps when I looked at them for the first time.

So it's 1999. Tia and I were JUST married, literally, within weeks. She was part of a skydive club and was really urging me to embrace it. Then came the hotair balloon. A company from Tennessee (wish I could remember the name of the company - I later did their logo and it ended up on MTV somehow) The club wanted to do jumps out of the balloon, what skydiver WOULDN'T want to do it right? Well, I volunteered to do my second tandem from it. So I'm the only one in the basket, carriage, whatever, without a parachute, besides the pilot. We're hanging by thread and fabric, all of us. We're clibing through 5,000 feet, then 8k, then 10k, then 11k. The pilot and jumpmaster look over the side and say, "This looks good." I respond, "Oh really, how can you tell?" First jumper goes, second, third. My heart is pumping like it's coming out of my chest. I get strapped to my jumpmaster (who is now one of our best friends). We have to climb up the edge of the basket, some four feet, in tandem. Imagine a four-legged, four-armed, two-headed 300+lb beast that has just been born, climbing up a wall backwards. We get to where we need to be, legs on the rail of the basket, grasping the frame of the burner for the hotair. I'm told to dangle my legs, so I do, inside the basket - "NO - OUTSIDE!" I'm forced to remove my grips, I'm trembling with fear - OF FALLING! THREE! TWO! ONE! A silent moment, a whisper of air, my heart in my throat, we're falling backwards watching the balloon rise hundreds of feet above us in an instant, we catch terminal velocity and roll over, tears streaming from my face, I can hear my jumpmaster laughing and I'm screaming it in at 120mph. When we get together, we still giggle about that jump. I have to say one of my own personal highlights, the kind that makes the cover of the sportpage, or the headline of the reel at the 6 o'clock news, the kind that will live with me forever. Enjoy the pics and smile a bit for me.

Building the Wall

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 03:56:00 +0000

(Click on the image to see the animation of the wall being built)

It seems like I live my life in the "Bunker" these days. When I'm not working on building business for myself, I'm working on making the space more usable for as an office. So I'm dividing the space so half will be heated office space and the other will half will be a work/storage room for tools and the motorcycles. It's coming along, but I have a long way to go before the office is actually functional. I need shelves and table space. But all in time!

Doin' It...

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 22:13:00 +0000

I guess I've been waiting for that spurt of inspiration or the "right moment" to begin posting on this blog again. I fear in my absence, I may have lost some following, but if I recall my initial motive in keeping this blog was to document my creativity, which then makes this blog geared for me and my future use, having a community following like I see around the blog world was not something I expected to have. Please, don't get me wrong, I love everyone that comes by and leaves me their opinion and I certainly welcome the witnessing to my process, but honestly, I am doing this for myself.

That being said, no time like the present for an update on what's happening for me creatively.

I felt like nothing was happening, then I stood back and realized, yes, something IS happening here. Something amazing. I'm in a place where my only work options are either go into business for myself and make it work, or get a job at some BIG BOX STORE. Since I don't want to work for a pathetically low wage, I choose to work from home - again. I know what this is like, I know what resources I have available to me. So in the span of a few short weeks since arriving in Montana, I have created something out of very little, and am continuing to grow it. I have secured business council, written a business plan and a mission statement, secured an inexpensive and convenient office - with some modifications - I plan to set this business up differently this time. I want this to finally be an "adult" business, meaning that I'm not just some "schmoe" doing desktop design in his garage. Damnit, I'm better than that. I'm worth more than that and my skills mean more to me than they did before.

Here's my new mission statement:
"To become a leading-edge designer and photographer in a world-wide market with clients across the United States and Europe, having the ability to manifest work and operate in any place on the globe. To maintain a high level of design and photographic expertise, continually learning and growing in my craft, building in myself confidence in my abilities and honing my sales and self-promotional traits. Building solid client relationships backed with a commitment to excellent service. To ultimately gain recognition in my field through competitions and feature articles and to nurture and grow an elevated salary level while maintaining competitive prices."

Every time I think about the people I graduated with, hearing the success of their careers and thinking to myself that I choose to live a "lifestyle" instead of a "career", I weaken my ability to become a success in my own right. I have more self-respect for my creativity now and I'm working on my self-esteem, not personally, but in regards to my marketability. I'm working on my presentation, how I come across.

I hate tapping into ego, I've worked so hard in the past 7 years to reduce and put into submission my ego, but this is a job FOR the ego! I'm going to make a name for myself this time. I'm out for the bigger targets and want to manifest recognition for my skills on a worldwide stage. Vanity is not one of my strong suits, but this is coming from somewhere other than vanity this time. This is an honest drive to become successful, even if it means I'm only successful in my circles in Florida and create a small niche for myself here. The sky is the limit, I have the resources available to me to really do something great here.

...and I'm going to do it.

Moving Ahead, Sunset on our Nomadic Adventures

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 18:31:00 +0000

Sunset on the Lost Prairie, sunset on the last three months of our lives, moving ahead and looking forward to tomorrow. One inch ahead is all darkness.

Returning soon friends! Internet arrives at the house on October 9th. Blogs, creativity and more!

"Steelmasters"

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 03:03:00 +0000

All images copyright 2007, Bruce Anttila van Hoover ~ thisisbruce.com

The cats woke me up at a rudely early hour. They hadn't received the memo that we were now on Central time, not Eastern, so there it was, 5:30 in the morning. To further give the cats credit, in this part of Wisconsin, the sun rose earlier than in Florida, say 5:29am. Well, I had to get up anyway to work on the truck. I slipped on some grub clothes and headed out to the machine shop, a few paces from where I was sleeping. Something nice, being a guy, living so close to so many tools... That definately appealed to the blue-collar part of me. I cracked open the door to see the beams of light streaming in through the shop window, as if it were pouring out of heaven into an expansive Gothic cathedral. This light at this hour was my cathedral, this room, my church. I, without hesitation, delayed my work duties to snap off a few rounds, which I hope I have enlightened you with here...

Two More Blogs To Consider

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 20:57:00 +0000

Among all of the craziness, I've sprung up two more blogs of a more professional nature. One for my photography and the other for my design projects. I'll post new pieces as they come. Check them out at:

Photography: thisisbruce.com>>>photography
Design: thisisbruce>>>design

What Stays and What Goes...

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 13:19:00 +0000

In our ramshackle apartment, most of anything that resembled our lives removed, comforts of home reduced to "indoor camping," we still managed a huddle of friends in our living room last night. Tamara and Tony and John came over for a visit, the very people that if we could, we would certainly take with us wherever we end up.

It was a short gathering, and filled with the kind of talk that is charged with anticipation for our journey. We laughed at the things we tried, joked about Tia's "Going Away" party last September before she shipped her out to New Zealand and my restless nature for wanting to get out of Sarasota so badly. John quipped that if we decided to return to Sarasota after finding out that everywhere else dulls by comparison, he would welcome us with open arms. (A point he has been trying to make almost every time we have been together). I'm sure all of our friends would welcome us back here.

The laughing and the reminiscing pulled at me last night in a way I hadn't expected though. I love these people. This is my family. All along Tia has been trying to illustrate the depth of those connections to me. I have been listening, but I didn't hear the message until last night. A wave of fear enveloped me. Fear about what we're doing, fear about change, fear about losing these friendships. Rational fear, the same fear I had skydiving and leaving the airplane on my own for the first time.

Like all emotions, I held that fear, felt it, acknowledged it and embraced it.

And I keep telling myself the lesson I need to learn from all of this, things will never be this way again. All things are in motion, change is the only constant. ...and it is all delicious.

New Blog...

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 14:55:00 +0000

So, for those of you have been following along from time to time. I want to announce a new blog that Tia and I are keeping. The new blog is called "Newlynomads" - the link can be found to the right. We're going to keep fairly regular updates on it - unlike me, on this blog, at least there will be two of us updating that one.

So it's been crazy times for me these days. Giving up steady work I would have thought I would actually have time for more blogging, I actually thought I would have time for all kinds of things and I'm finding myself busier than ever. My body has finally given up on me and demanded rest by giving me a head cold. So we're behind mucho in leaving. Not that we had a strict timeline, but we would have liked to have been on the road by now. So we'll see, looks more like Wednesday now.

Mountains, Transformations and Moving On.

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 21:09:00 +0000

The intrepid travelers, Tony (left), Bruce (right). Photo credit - anonymous old guy who was handy to snap one off for us...

Been a crazy time lately. Two almost back-to-back trips, wrapping up freelance work, preparing for the trips and just have not had much time to dedicate to writing, but I think I'm making up for lost time in this one... it's a lengthy read, but it's worth it... go on now... really...

It's difficult to even begin to talk about where I've been the past several weeks. I realized lately that I haven't really been myself and I feel I'm just coming out of the shell I kept myself in the past year or more. It's been a long year as you all know. I think I passed through a sign-post on this trip, I saw a brief glimpse of what is and what could be and got a taste of who I am becoming. It was transformational, inspirational and enlightening.

Chattooga River. Separates North Carolina from South Carolina. ©2007 Bruce Anttila van Hoover

Tia and I just returned from a trip to the Carolinas. She had a conference to go to and I went up to see mountains, via motorcycle. This trip was an opportunity do a little guy bonding besides being an opportunity to ride almost endlessly. I rode with my friend Tony, who is Tia's best-friend's husband. We found common ground through motorcycling. I taught Tony the basics of riding several months ago and got him hooked on biking. He was a natural. He practiced, got his license and took the local motorcycle safety course to cover the techniques I didn't cover. He rode up his Honda Nighthawk and me on my BMW.

Waterfall outside of Marion, NC. ©Bruce Anttila van Hoover

The seven-year dream came true the second day we rode as we passed through low hills, and then mountains. The roads were winding, incredibly winding, mind-bending and mesmerizing. The hills were breathtaking. We made an observation that if the posted speed limit is 45 and you can't reach it, you KNOW you're on a winding road! Every time we came to a point we thought it couldn't get any better, it did. Truly a spiritual and ancient energy in the hills, a land unlike any other. Each overpass offered a panorama, each turn, another valley and another mountain river emptying into a lake miles below. Water so crisp and so clean, bright blue skies, clean mountain air. I cannot describe the land and give it justice. All I know is that in our next living situation, I will want to be within an easy commute to places like this. As beautiful as the beaches are where we live, one day in the hills and mountains equals one year of beaches for me. I know Tia feels different, but I am a man of solid earth, soil and rock, not shapeless, drifting sands.

I took my camera along, however the things I wanted photos of, I just couldn't capture, like weaving and winding along the mountain roads. The amazing vistas and panoramas are far too beautiful to successfully illustrate with a camera, however, I am posting the shots I did manage to snap off, but the rest you will have to only imagine.

Part of the Mecklenburg County Park System, NC - a future blog in the works. ©2007 Bruce Anttila van Hoover

For as beautiful as the area is, I'm a tad put off by the overly religious nature of the people there. It is certainly the "Bible-belt" and it lives up to that reputation. Church steeples outnumber mountain tops! Stores cannot advertise alcohol, ABC liquor stores are as unmarked as the paper bags they wrap your "packaged goods" in and to me, that's hypocritical. There was also an alarming population of homeless in downtown Asheville. You couldn't walk down a street without being hustled for money. It's strange to me that there aren't more resources available for them. I know Sarasota has a huge homeless population, but there are large facilities available to them and apart from a few panhandlers, it's a nice city to walk in. In Asheville, I don't think I would trust being on the streets after dark. Anyway, I already know the type of mentality an aggressively religious environment has about it and I think Tia and myself would be in a world of our own there. Nothing against those who follow a more religious path and nothing personally against the people up there, their southern hospitality lives up to it's reputation, but living in the Bible-belt just isn't going to be for us.

I feel like I've been in a shell for so long, working, coping with not being able to sell our house, coping with being in Sarasota and not knowing where we're going, coping with Tia being so far away. I'm coming out of that shell finally, beginning to see things OTHER than this move. Having conversations with my wife that aren't about where we move next. I also finally feel that this past month has brought us to a point of equilibrium from the whole New Zealand experience. I think we passed some turning points in our relationship, vacations have a habit of doing that and I'm not sure if it's just us or if everyone is like that. At one point on our way back to Florida, both Tia and I secretly felt like we could have stayed in our campsite another week, and if it hadn't been for prior commitments in Sarasota, we may have stayed a while longer. But, alas, I wouldn't be here to tell you our latest news then.

There's a RUSH song lyric in the song "Freewill" that goes, "If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice." That about sums up my latest announcement.

Tia and I have finally made a decision about our future. Brace yourself...

We have decided not to make a choice for now. Actually, we've decided to pack up our things into storage and head West and be nomads for a while. Play in the mountains, frolic in hidden valleys and spend some time really searching out viable options in the West. I haven't seen much of this country and Tia hasn't been any further West that Paris, Texas. We both want to see the majestic parks and the deep forests of the north, coastal routes of the Pacific coast and the magical desert southwest. We are preparing to leave Sarasota June 16th.

For now the plan is to limit our trip to 2 months, but we're allowing some flexibility there depending on what we find along the way. We may get tired of living like nomads in a few weeks! So far, there is no concrete plan on where we're going other than to see some national parks, visit friends along the way and check out a few of the cities we have considered moving to. We have no expectations except to have fun along the way and spend some time finding ourselves and searching out our futures as we live from park to park.

So we purchased a customized A.R.E topper for our pickup, I plan on building a platform in the bed of our pickup that will allow for storage underneath and sleeping quarters on top. We bought backpacks and a great backpacking tent which will be our living quarters most of the time, we'll sleep in the truck occasionally if circumstances dictate (like rain or getting in to a site too late). We're putting a rack on top of our truck to hold our kayak and we plan to buy a few used mountain bikes to entertain ourselves with. We're also taking our skydiving equipment for some fun in the air. Knowing that most skydiving clubs will allow patrons to stay for free at their airport, we should be able to make our way across the country fairly inexpensively. I wouldn't mind picking a day a week to volunteer at some state and national parks along the way as well.

So, I'm closing up shop for a little while, unplugging from the beloved grid and setting off to have some fun! The cats will have a temporary home in Wisconsin with my brother.

If this trip doesn't produce a strong desire to settle somewhere in this country, then we have resided ourselves to move to Finland.

Although, Vermont is looking pretty promising these days from what I've seen in the news.

Cheers for now, please keep in touch, if I haven't been in touch, sorry, now's your chance to get caught up!

I've launched a new blog to document our endeavors along our trip. I posted the link in the column to the left called "Newly Nomads." Click it and follow along! We'll be "plugging in" occasionally from the road to give you updates.

Time

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Sun, 20 May 2007 14:03:00 +0000

T.A.Rector, I.P.Dell'Antonio/NOAO/AURA/NSF

Music has a way of shaping our lives, of defining who we are or where we are at a given moment. It has a way of transporting us through time to places we were once, it also has a way of making us feel old. But in the end, our music tastes set the backdrop on the stage that we play out our lives on.

We had a rare opportunity last night. A friend of our had two extra tickets to see Roger Waters (of Pink Floyd fame). It was his "Dark Side of the Moon" tour. It's been a while since I had really listened to any of the old classics, but sitting there when "Time" came up, loudly singing the lyrics with 15,000 other fans, I had a small epiphany about my life, particularly surrounding my last birthday a month ago. I turned 37. No big deal, but I do feel like time is truly the fire in which we burn and the flames are getting higher. The lyrics got to me last night:

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.

I feel like the moments enshrined in the lyrics are biting close at my heels. Before we sold our house, I REALLY felt them close.

"Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way."

In some small way, that's how I feel about the last 10 years of my life, since graduation. I used to be so focused and driven, if I spent a half a minute on a decision it was too long, I knew exactly what I wanted and I went after it without any wasted time. True Aries spirit. Today, this last year, I have been so out of focus and indecisive about what I want and where we should end up in this world. I feel the effects of fear and consequences of decision making instead of imagining the rewards. I feel like I'm running to keep up with time, but sitting still and watching life pass me by here, I'm chasing the sun as it comes up behind me. I still haven't REALLY started the career path I imagined I would have, I'm still in Florida when I wanted to get out years ago (and yes, we are getting out soon), I still haven't made the kinds of marks on the world I dreamt about when I was younger. I feel like I'm made some choices that have compromised the way I used to value life and I feel like I'm becoming or I have manifested the "middle-America" lifestyle they write lyrics about. Rush also wrote lyrics in a song and I felt when I was younger, that I would never live that way:

Sprawling on the fringes of the city
In geometric order
An insulated border
In between the bright lights
And the far unlit unknown

Growing up it all seems so one-sided
Opinions all provided
The future pre-decided
Detached and subdivided
In the mass production zone
Nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone

[Chorus:]
(Subdivisions)
In the high school halls
In the shopping malls
Conform or be cast out
(Subdivisions)
In the basement bars
In the backs of cars
Be cool or be cast out
Any escape might help to smooth the unattractive truth
But the suburbs have no charms to soothe the restless dreams of youth

Drawn like moths we drift into the city
The timeless old attraction
Cruising for the action
Lit up like a firefly
Just to feel the living night

Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight
Somewhere out of a memory of lighted streets on quiet nights...

Certainly I have felt like the misfit or the dreamer and I swore I would stay away from ticking traps. This past year has certainly been a tick trap.

Now, before you consider throwing me a midlife crisis party, I don't always feel this way and certainly I count my blessings every day, but these is a nagging part of me that tells me I'm no longer the kid I used to be, flying down the freeway, long hair blowing in the wind. Living like I'm immortal. I don't have the kinds of time I used to spend writing music endless nights staying up to 3 or 4am. I seem to have lost that activist artist voice I used to have and I'm not much of a trouble-maker anymore. I have more responsibilities, less freedom to shake things up the way I used to. And maybe, just maybe, that's what this move is about in the end. Maybe this is my mid-life era coming to me. I've been trying to determine what the next steps look like for too long instead of just taking them to see where they lead. I'm not living in the here and now, I'm too busy seeing what was behind me and what's to come ahead of me.

I don't know, maybe it's all just ramblings, but I think I'm getting old.

Away for a bit...

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Sat, 12 May 2007 15:35:00 +0000

Self-portrait reflected in "Cloud Gate"
All photos: ©2007 Bruce Anttila van Hoover

It's been a while since I've been on blogger and I'm sorry for the delay in posting, Tia and I have been gallivanting through Illinois and Wisconsin visiting family and taking a vacation. I've thought about blogging every day, and it seems that I will "compose" small blogs in my mind every day, just the same way I will "see" photos in my mind as I drive around without my camera. I haven't been online much other than looking for work and researching a future place to land, so… finding a small segment of time today was serendipitous.

Our trip was great. I was dreading it a little (read a lot) before we left, but in the end it was pleasant. Cooler weather, three GREAT days in Chicago on nobody’s schedule but our own – I admit a little embarrassment about not contacting friends in Chicago, but coordinating and scheduling our days wasn’t anything I was up for (you know the feeling of not being on anyone’s expectations or schedule when you need it the most.)

My birthday present was to see Blue Man Group in Chicago. If anyone has the opportunity to attend a show PLEASE do so! It’s similar to STOMP, but is more of a situational comedy about non-verbal communication and great music. It’s an amazing show and I won’t say anymore about it less giving it away. It is truly a unique experience and something everyone can laugh at!

I did take my camera on our trip and managed to fire off 345 times but frankly, I'm quite disappointed in my shots. I don't care for anything I did. Bad crops, bad choices, uninteresting subject matter and bad cropping, bad sets and general inexperience with this camera have all combined to make a completely dull series of shots. I just wasn’t “seeing” what I needed to see. I wasn’t paying attention to the artistic process, I was just clicking away. I think my brain and artistic eye were on vacation. (and I fully admit to NEEDING one desperately!) If I were to compare this set to the shots I take while in Finland, the difference is night and day. Perhaps that says something about my spiritual connection with Finland and possibly a lack of one with my own homeland. I recall a consistent comparison between the two places on-going in my mind the entire time we were traveling. I don’t know how or why it is that way, but for some reason, I’m being beckoned by Finland. I know that someday, we will live there, just maybe not this time around.

So we're still grappling with the idea of where to land. It's really getting old and I'm feeling rather raw about the whole thing. Tia and I chase each other around the series of choices everyday. All of this has taken a toll on my psyche. I'm thankful that I cut my hours back to part time because my brain functions are completely overloaded with the decision making process. By the end of my short day I feel completely overwhelmed. The hours of morning and evening research are draining focus on my other abilities. It must be rather comical from the outside, but my sense of humor is waning. I remind myself that I am in a constant state of choice (if nothing else, at least THAT makes me laugh).

On a sideways related note, while researching clean living, I discovered a GREAT website today put on by National Geographic. The Green Guide is a wonderful resource for all things eco-friendly. Excellent tips on what to use to clean around the house and recipes on how to make your own cleaning supplies. It's a great resource! Check it out!

On with the photos…

Boat tours in Chicago.
"Cloud Gate" Millennium Park, Chicago
Music Pavilion, Frank Gehry
Statue of Vince Lombardi outside of Lambeau Field, Green Bay, WI
Lambeau Field, Home of the Green Bay Packers
Milwaukee Art Museum, Santiago Calatrava, Milwaukee, WI
Interior, Milwaukee Art Museum, Santiago Calatrava, Milwaukee, WI
Interior, Milwaukee Art Museum, Santiago Calatrava, Milwaukee, WI

Fountain outside of Navy Pier, Chicago. I liked how the water danced in front of the trees.

Capturing Tomi

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 00:18:00 +0000

Picture of my amazing brother-in-law, Tomi. ©2007 Bruce Anttila van Hoover

Couldn't believe I caught this moment. It was a matter of having my camera already in my hand and seeing Tia talking to Tomi on Skype. Just happened to duck my head in to say HI, and Tomi says it back - CLICK - captured the moment. Thanks Tomi!

Hope everyone is doing well. I'm struggling through a challenging balance right now at work trying to fit 40+ hours of work into a 25 hour week. I needed to reduce my work hours in order to be home to do as much research as I can on where we're going to end up. You guessed it, we STILL haven't totally decided on a place to land or a means to get there. I know, tick-tock, tick-tock. We're now beyond the point of pulling out a map and throwing a dart at it. But we're pushing on with it in our temporary quarters. The flavor of the week so far is Eugene, Oregon, sprinkled with tidbits of Boulder, Colorado. Been to either? Feel free to leave a comment!

Hope you're all doing well. Thanks.

Opportunities Through the Lens

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 00:11:00 +0000

Grazing on Tuesday Morning, All images ©2007 Bruce Anttila van Hoover

Having a camera at the ready during sprintime pays off, especially when the weather is "changeable." I caught these cows grazing serenely in a pasture on my way to work this morning. They didn't seem to mind the busy traffic racing all around them, their grazing field used to be considered out of town, but with the development boom, I'm surprised their grazing land hasn't been turned into another strip mall.

I also captured the new Sand-hill crane babies. They walk by my office every day in a seemingly endless path of grazing for grubs. They are absolutely amazing and I love to watch them as they feed. So graceful. The babies are so delicate that I think the blades of grass give them trouble as they walk.

I sat perfectly still for this shot. They were grazing in my direction. At one point they came within feet of my position. I slowly backed away as to not startle them. I'm not sure if they're just that accustomed to people or if they haven't yet developed a fear of us. If I had not moved, they would have surrounded me and, eventually walked right past me.

Cranes, according to "Animal Speak, The Spiritual & Magical Powers of Creatures Great and Small," by Ted Andrews, are said to signify longevity and creation through focus. "The crane can teach you how to celebrate your creative resources and keep them alive, regardless of the conditions in which the are manifest, both by simply having the proper focus in your life."

Feeding lesson.

Well, we're in an apartment/house now, living in temporary quarters in a house a friend of mine owns, he is sort-of between tenants. He has been gracious enough to allow flexibility to us for our upcoming, and mostly unknown schedule, to allow cats, reduced rent and all of our worldly possessions in it. We made the living room our bedroom and the bedrooms, our storage facility.

My work has been equally compassionate thankfully. I am in dire need of a break and my clients/employers have been very accommodating to my needs including allowing me to take a week off to move and another week off to go visit my family for my parents 55th wedding anniversary. I may be adjusting my schedule to go part time in the next week or so which will help free up some spare time to reflect on where we're going. Right now all I feel I do is "stuff," day in and day out, stuff just to maintain life and I don't feel like I've had any kind of a break or any rest whatsoever. I'm basically burnt out. Not in so much a bad sense. I can still function, I can still source creativity and maintain relative focus, but my weary body and spirit is telling me I need to take some time to slow down soon. I know it's coming. These are exciting times and I am thankful and very happy in our choices!

Too Many Goodbyes...

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 23:35:00 +0000

Photo: Mom and Dad painting our front door. Bruce Anttila van Hoover.
It's been an unusual time for us. Our lives are now condensed versions of what they were before last week. We closed on our house yesterday and moved one step closer to making a decision about the rest of our lives. In a market that is predicted to continue to decline, we were one of the "lucky" ones to be able to sell a house. I felt my throat tighten during the closing and a tiny ounce of something in the recesses of my heart pinged in pain as we signed away title and deed to 2832 Marlette Street. I know it was perhaps a little more than that for Tia. This IS what we wanted and we have now launched ourselves further towards a decision. My horoscope says to remain flexible to a fluid couple of weeks until the day after my birthday. Not to make any plans. So be it. I'll need that long to recover from the move.

We also said "Goodbye" to my Mom and Dad this morning as they return to the north. My parents live in Florida in the winter time and Wisconsin in the summer. If it hadn't been for them this week, we wouldn't have been able to make the closing in time. They worked and worked and never uttered a complaint, never a time of rest and I, for the most part, had to tell them to sit and take a break. They are the most wonderful people in the world and deserve more than what their hard life has given them. My dad a retired carpenter, retired not by choice but by age (and an annoying rotator cuff injury from a chiropractor) and my mom a school bus driver who will work until she dies I think.

This year we had a "bonus" year with them. Having the house on the market so long, Tia and I could enjoy an additional season with them. This year their leaving was perfectly timed with ours. It was an unusually sad goodbye today. Watching them drive off... I know we will see them again in a month for their 55th wedding anniversary, but I also know that the years of winter card playing, games, eating out and laughing till our sides hurt will never be the same again. It was all I could do to hold back tears as we said goodbye. I don't want to have that moment remembered by tears, but by smiles. I love them dearly and when they are not down here, miss them more than I could ever imagine. What a blessing to have them in my life and every moment this past season was truly stolen.

Searches and Names... Spells Trouble.

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 11:52:00 +0000

It appears that I broke a rule of blogging a few weeks ago and slipped in a few names (that have since been removed from prior posts) of businesses that have hired me or the company I work for, and as a result, words (not sure if positive or negative) got back to my employers. I wouldn't really think this to be a big deal, I mean, I did the work, it's no secret, and nothing was said that was harmful in any way about anyone. However, I stand by my comments and have always reported the truth (my truth) in my blog and always try to maintain a level of integrity in my actions. But, apparently I slipped up these names and, in a search, one of the owners of one of the companies I have mentioned here contacted the company I work for. I didn't say anything bad or remotely negative, I only spoke my opinion, I said that the place we are working with isn't the kind of place I frequent often. It's a truth about many of the clients I work to promote in many different genres. It isn't to say I wouldn't. This venue in particular is an interesting place and it's certainly very popular and there is a part of me that enjoys going there occasionally, but not really the kind of place I would go to often - NOTHING against anyone who goes there, but now the owner said something to my employers and they have requested a meeting. I'm totally embarrased.

I do not offer any change in my opinion. This is certainly not a retraction. The owners of the establishment are really nice people and I have enjoyed the times (all of two) I have spent there recreationally and also grateful for the professional work and regret any harm anyone, my employers included, who may have suffered as a result.

But word to the wise, you never know who is watching and reading. Nothing is secure in the world-wide-web, email, or web sites included. Be careful out there, don't say anything that you're not prepared to back up.

Chained...

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 01:05:00 +0000

It has been far too long since I posted last I know. And I know in the process of doing so many other things, I have now lost a few faithful followers and for that I am sorry. I do miss everyone, and I REALLY miss the daily journaling this post has allowed me to be a part of, the daily dribble of information that I can safely allow to gurgle up on my blog. I love going through the process with you, my faithful few. You've been witness to my creative process, listened to me whine and you have been responding to posts that run sometimes weeks in age. I cannot promise change to happen overnight, or even soon, but change is now definately coming. Watching the boxes pile up and my hair turn slightly more grey each day has been a rewarding process in character growth. I am getting there, to the point in my life where I will have time to spend in front of a computer. Right now, it's a labor of love to be here. At the end of the day, after having just spent 9 hours or more on a computer, one of the last places I want to be is on my machine. I am not addicted, I'm chained. It's my source of entertainment and my source of income, it's really hard to hate it and really hard to love it, but I do love what I do and where it can take me. Bear with me a little longer. In June I will be unattached to the full-time place of employment and free to wander the world, spinning tales of our adventures. I am thankful to be here and thankful you are reading this. This IS a beautiful day.

The Door Opens...

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 15:40:00 +0000

Photo: Bruce & Tia, Bruce's first jump off student status, some time around 2001. Photo by Mike Swain.

I remember back when I was first learning to skydive, years ago now. I remember vividly my first tandem jump. The breathless moments before the door opens, the pit of my stomach in my throat. Anticipating the alien world between airplane and earth at 15,000 feet. The chill of the upper atmosphere as the Cesna cuts through cloud and sky. The door opening. The cool air filling the craft, the dizzying crawl to the door, then reaching into the 70mph air for the strut. Waiting as my friend John readies himself and us for our descent.

That's the feeling I have right now, safely planted on the ground today.

We signed the contract on the house yesterday. It's now official.

My throat is tight, my stomach IN my throat. I listen to one of my newest favorite songs, "The Adventure" by Angels and Airwaves. We're on the strut of the aircraft, the door is now open and we're preparing our adventure through the alien world between what we have now and our dreams. We have spent the last 12 hours fantasizing about what we're going to do with ourselves in the coming months. We have the opportunity to not need a home for a while now, so we can take a trip, have our honeymoon finally (after almost eight years!), escape the gravitational pull of Sarasota and all that is familiar to us. Find open spaces to the west, hunker down in a cottage in the mountains of New Zealand for an art retreat, or motorcycling across the continent, the possibilities are endless and I am looking forward to the much needed extended rest and escape. No bills, no responsibilities except to our selves. A true gift. Larger than I have ever imagined.

To say that this process has been difficult or a challenge would not do justice to it really. I know I've been distant, disconnected, depressed, weak and bitter. But in it all, it has been all part of my process. All been about finding the depths of my soul, the depths of my character at it's worst, and being tested. The 15 month ordeal of us selling is finally coming to an end.

So, we now have less than a month to pack up (closing April 10th) and move to temporary quarters. Strangely, all of our accommodations for months to come will be temporary and alien, stability is now out the window.

And I couldn't be more excited.

Back on the table

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 02:00:00 +0000

The short version: I think we sold our house today.

Ok. Take a breath. I know I just dumped a load on you all. But did you hear me?

I THINK we JUST SOLD OUR HOUSE today!

I know I said we weren't going to discuss selling or moving or ANYTHING involved with that whole fourteen month fiasco, but... a buyer found us without the house being ON the market. She loves the house and has made a tentative verbal offer (which we will be making written in the coming days).

[gasping]

Where do we go? What will we do?

Well, my friends. We'll keep you posted. Who knows where we'll turn up next, maybe your back yard!

Camera GLUED to my face!

noreply@blogger.com (bruce) — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 01:05:00 +0000

Not sure why I don't have a camera GLUED to my face 24/7! I don't know what is in store for me, but I am so extraordinarily excited about the shoot I had tonight. I absolutely can't STAND IT - WHY am I not doing THIS for a living!!!!!!!!

These are the shots I took from a place near where I live. It's an interesting place, I can't say I patronize this kind of establishment often, its a pool hall with dozensand dozens of tables and private billiard rooms, a game center with all kinds of video and "activity" games, a full bar, an indoor go cart track, an indoor rock cliimbing wall and a lazer-tag variety shooting gallery. Its a paintless paintball arena and this one is the only place in the world that has it set up this particular way, very decked out and elaborate with all kinds of sound effects and gizmos. Very interesting. Well, the advertising company I contract with has me creative directing the graphics, websites and printed advertising and marketing materials, but I am also the photographer of mention. I've done several shoots for them, but this one merits mention on my blog because right now, I am higher than a kite from the shoot and I don't know why I'm not glued to a camera all the time. I feel euphoric and exhausted at the same time. I'm so uplifted by photography. Design is cool and I like it because its a good challenge, but photography, especially PAID photography is the coolest kick in town! I'm riding a high right now - and mind you I'm 100% drug-free! Well, enjoy my buzz, hope you can catch a little from me! Next week I have a contract to shoot at a restaurant in St. Petersburg, FL. (NAMES REMOVED)

For this shot I had to climbed the rock climbing wall about 30' up, hold on to the wall with my right hand (my shooting hand) and shoot left handed, while art directing the two models, making sure my exposure was correct, angle correct and make sure I didn't drop my camera or fall off the wall. It was SOOOO worth the challenge!

Interior of the gallery. The only lighting was the black lights. Each exposure was 2.5 seconds. The models had to remain still unless directed to move. It was an extremely dark room and most of the time you couldn't see much ahead of where your immediate surrounding were, but the long exposures captured a HUGE room and some wonderful and colorful dynamics. How freaking fun!